prankalicious's Xanga

the redesign is complete

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 04:17:47 GMT

ragingfool is back online and will be updated with new articles shortly.

visit us at www.ragingfool.com

or eat shit.

btw: all the links below no longer work but all of the articles can be found on the site.

(so there's no confusion: when i type "btw" in my head, i say "big tits, whoooooooooa!"... outloud)

Troy tries his luck at shaving his pubes; ends badly.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 04:42:02 GMT

youve already read it if you're here but click here to check it out anywho, asshole.

nicolas

homeless + freshmen girls = SKINNY!!!

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 04:55:53 GMT

i should get the nobel prize for this groundbreaking idea:

homeless + freshmen girls = SKINNY!!!

one-way ticket to hell: courtesy of nicolas troy.

god i fucking rule

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:23:45 GMT

nicolas troy > heb cashier

the end

my first fuck

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 03:09:41 GMT

new entry: my first fuck

yeah-yeah-yeah. what would you have done?

raging fool dot fucking com

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 04:58:16 GMT

www.ragingfool.com

thats where ive moved, assholes.

click here to see an entry that isnt posted yet: my dog is better than your kid.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 02:05:01 GMT

what? have i ever shaved my pubes? good question.

it wasnt because i wanted to, it was a horrible gum accident. i had to work a little frontier magic.

seriously though, after skinny-dipping in the fountain outside the lbj library on campus last night (yeah, i know theres a police station next door... its not like im going to live forever) i decided that i needed to cut down the forest, trim the hedge, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS THE FUCK OUT OF MY GODDAMNED JUNGLE DOWNSTAIRS. now i have to make a decision. do i want to just trim them or should i go bareback? ive never gone bareback so i figure that ill give it a try.

so i arrange everything on the counter neatly:

trimmers

mach3 (ITS FUCKING SUPER-FAST, BITCHES!! JET PLANES AND SHIT FLYING AROUND MY COCK ALL AT ... mach3.)

shaving cream (hot bitch not included)

i jump in the shower ready to start my mission towards a newer, hotter me. hard to believe but i think that i can increase my desirability by a factor of no less than 100.

i take a warm shower to soften the hair and i soap the area to clear off any latent bacteria. (ok... so maybe i touch myself too. fuck off. its my shower.)

i hop out, dry off, and start up the trimmers. i start in but find that my foresight (ha-ha, thought that i was gonna say foreskin, didnt ya?) to soften the hairs has made my trimmers clog on them. this rips them out by the roots. this does not sit well.

i grab a pair of scissors and start snipping. its all going well and good until i get a wee bit cocky and poke myself several times around the base. i stop, reassess my situation, and realize that i might want to have kids someday. i put down the scissors i was using and break out the kindergarten scissors.

you know the ones: all plastic, only metal where the cutting area is, pretty dull. theyre safe i figure so i pick them up and try them out but hell if i cant get more than the first digit of my pointer finger and the tip of my thumb through the holes. while im trying to get a grip and trim down my hairs (yeah... im a multitasking badass.) i manage to drop them.

cutting side down.

on my shaft.

now these scissors arent very sharp.
theyre made for pre-schoolers and kindergarteners.
re-re's use them for chrissakes. not even i find a bleeding re-re all that funny.

but damned if the re-re scissors didnt slice me. maybe my member is sheathed in crepe paper. maybe the skin is like tissue paper but i got cut.

im not talking notebook paper cut, im talking manilla envelope with the brass brad paper cut. tears immediately come to my eyes as i drop to the ground and start marine-crawling it to the first aid kit. im having the crisis of my life and what happens?

my dog fucking thinks im trying to play with her. she starts licking my ass as i crawl for tourniquet, bandages, and neosporin. then she starts jumping on me only her paw slips off my ass cheek and falls right in between my legs.

ON THE NUTSACK IM DRAGGING BEHIND ME IN A WAKE OF BLOOD AS I CRAWL.

i pull myself together and end up sitting on the ground doctoring myself. i stand up and look in the mirror. i am the epitome of hotness.

my eyes are bloodshot from tearing up.

my penis is wrapped in so much gauze it looks like it has leprosy.

the places where i poked myself and where the trimmers ripped hairs out by the roots have turned into angry red bumps so it looks like i have the herp.

my right testicle has started to swell.

and i only got halfway.

what the hell am i supposed to do with only half a trim job? it looks like a garbage fire broke out on my nutsack but i kept it at bay.

i mean what the hell do i do now?

mimic a deranged chia pet?

make a cheesy porn about a batman villain name "two-fuck"?

play good penis, bad penis?

i am a buffet of manliness.

thats it. im done.

oh yeah... yo mommas so fat she has to use deodorant on her neck.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 09:16:53 GMT

so i got back from skinny-dipping tonight and decided that something needs to be done about the bush in my pants. more info tomorrow. serious.

oh yeah... i masturbate standing in front of the bathroom mirror because it makes me feel sexy and loved.

Sociopath
You are 71% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 100% Brutal, and 100% Arrogant.

You are the Sociopath! As a result of your cold, calculating rationality, your introversion (and ability to keep quiet), yourbrutality, and your arrogance, you would make a very cunning serialkiller. You care very little for the feelings of others, possiblybecause you are not a very emotional person. You are also verycalculating and intelligent, making you a perfect criminal mastermind.Also, you are a very arrogant person, tending to see yourself as betterthan others, providing you a strong ability to perceive others as weaklittle animals, thus making it easier to kill them. In short, yourpersonality defect is the fact that you could easily be a sociopath,because you are calculating, unemotional, brutal, and arrogant. Pleasedon't kill me for writing mean things about you!

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Hippie.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Spiteful Loner, the Smartass, and the Capitalist Pig.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), youcould very well go either way. For example, someone with 42%Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but isclose enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well.Below is a list of the other personality types so that you candetermine which other possible categories you may fill if you scorednear fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 55% on Rationality
You scored higher than 29% on Extroversion
You scored higher than 98% on Brutality
You scored higher than 98% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 02:52:46 GMT

im still working on the other drunken night of debauchery but heres a fun story from saturday night:

so i went out to meet a couple of coworkers saturday night. i get a call and kristin tells me that they are all at vicci.

where are you?
"vicci."
did someone lose a bet?
"blah, blah, blah, yaaaaaaaaaaaay, blah."
is there a cover charge?
"blah, free, no, blah, charge"

i get there and find myself in a line with a guy thats telling this chick about his ferrari.

"yeah, its the fastest car i ever bought with cash. no loan."
dude, you drove up in a metro and the valet told you to park it yourself.
"... so its red... and fast..."
hahahahahahahah.

i get in and the woman tells me i need to pay $7. its loud and she cant understand me very well.

"cover is $7."
why dont you save the cover for another person?
"what?"
i said i wouldnt pay that for your mother.

she smiles and nods. i see kristin and motion her over to me so i can tell her that im not paying to get into vicci and i can meet her somewhere else later.

she waves back and starts dancing with a pole. she looks like a retarded monkey making love to a tree. as much as i love poles and girls dancing she is changing my mind about the two going together. have you ever seen john malkovich try to pole dance? i can now say that i have. i hate myself.

i turn around and walk out as she starts to grind the pole harder. i get a call about 7 minutes later (i can only guess that she was dancing with that fucking pole the whole time.)

"where are you?"
im walking down sixth street.
"why did you leave?"
they were charging $7.
"oh, well have a nice night."
mmmk. bye.

ten minutes later i get a call from her again. she is apparently bipolar.

"what the hell is wrong with you? that was shitty what you just did. that was really shitty."

i decide to be nice.

well, they were charging $7 and i didnt really want to pay that much.
"are you fucking kidding me? i cant believe that you didnt even come in to say hi. its shitty and rude."

im over being nice.

look, neither you nor vicci are worth $7 to me. id rather be spending that money on a prison blowjob from a toothless guy named gus.
"bu-"

i hang up on her and have a pleasant evening with some other people i met up with.

oh yeah... i have work with pole-dancing-john-malkovich on wednesday. if there is a god i will throw up on her.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 07:04:41 GMT

i know, i know, i know: the hatemail.

im gonna post my story from last night first. ill get a lot more from it.

oh yeah... i had to have three guys help me roll a fat chick into a taxi after she threw up in the street tonight.